failure as a human pt. 2

I am so tired of overthinking everything. I am so tired of these hopes that I develop, which eventually get shattered to pieces. I am so tired of these conflicting feelings. I hate what I have become. But every time I try to change, I just can not.

I know I am probably overthinking, but I can’t help but think that I am a burden to everyone – my best-friends, my friends, my cousins, my relatives, everyone. Except my parents.

I hate what I have become today. But there’s no one to blame but myself.

failure as a human

Humans are the most complex species on Earth. It’s very difficult to understand them, or even have a solid opinion about them. But what’s even more difficult is to understand myself.

Understanding myself, understanding what I think, what I want, is one of the hardest things on Earth. And I think that’s the reason why I have failed myself as a human.

korean bbq

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I have been watching k-dramas for a while, and Korean BBQ is an integral part of almost every drama. I have always been interested South-East Asian food, and Korean BBQ was almost at the top of my list. So when I was given the chance of trying out Korean BBQ recently, I snagged the opportunity and made sure to chew the crap out of it.

My friends and I went to this restaurant called Skewers restaurant in Abu Dhabi. My first initial impression of the restaurant was that it was small, and a bit cramped. I did end up hitting a lot of customers because I had a huge bag and we decided to sit on the other end of the restaurant. But the cramped feeling was then replaced by a feeling of joy because the staff over there were so nice. The lady who was serving us helped us out so much, especially when she got to know that it was our first time.

Our order was obviously the unlimited Korean BBQ (69 DHS for two people + 39 DHS for one person) and three boba teas – smoothies, to be more precise. The meat selection consisted of fish, prawns, squid, two types of chicken and two types of beef. We also had an unlimited access to a few side dishes such as kimchi and fried potatoes. We were also given rice, miso soup and egg. So basically, it was the three of us with unlimited access to amazing food. Guess who was on cloud 9?

The food was amazing. I really liked the spicy chicken, even though my Indian taste buds did not find it spicy at all. The red meat was amazing as well. What impressed me the most was the combination of rice with kimchi, it tasted so good. Usually I don’t like eating rice, but that day, the rice was the first dish to be wiped clean.

But I wasn’t a huge fan of the miso soup and the egg. I didn’t like the taste of the miso soup, and I personally thought that the egg was a bit bland and under-cooked. Even though I did like my chocolate boba smoothie, I wasn’t a huge fan of it. It wasn’t as good as the boba smoothies I have had from other places.

Overall, I was really happy with the experience. The fact that we had unlimited access to food was amazing. My stomach was content, and as a reasult, so was I. There were obviously some not so great things, but they are obviously nothing when compared with the great things.

So if you live in Abu Dhabi and are planning on trying the restaurant out, please do. Even if you don’t like the food, you will be really happy with the experience since the staff are so kind and nice.

transitioning from bullet journal to digit planning?

I stopped using my bullet journal towards the end of January. Till then the monthly task-list format, with a calendar which I can fill in each month and the monthly budget layout was working for me. But since the beginning of second semester, I realized that it wasn’t.

So I decided to stop.

Biggest mistake of my life.

I switched to digital planning. I decided to keep track of all my tests and such on the calendar app on my phone. The task lists, assignments and all went into OneNote. And it was working great for a while. BUT I again started lagging and being inefficient. I was forgetting to log into my calendar which resulted in me forgetting my deadlines. Some tasks ended up getting completely neglected, because OneNote was complicated. And I generally wasn’t happy with all the transition.

I was pretty serious about using a digital planner and sticking with it, but digital planning has caused me more trouble than good. And I don’t want to get a zero on my course because I keep on forgetting my deadlines. So yes, digital planning wasn’t for me. And after experimenting for about 3 weeks, I am all ready to go back to my paper planner.

But I am going to make some huge changes to my planner system. And I will probably post that as a different post.

 

black dog [kdrama, review]

I am actually surprised that I never did Black Dog first impression post. But I do remember liking it a lot. And that is surprising, because Black Dog is a slice of life drama, and I never go for anything with no action in it.

Black Dog is about teachers in South Korea, the schools and the education system over there. I studied in CBSE (the Indian curriculum), so I could relate to the pressure put on the students by the education system. But to an extent, some things were really different and new to me.

The cast was amazing. You would never feel like ‘what the hell’ when it came to the acting of the cast. The drama starred people like Seo Hyun-jin and Ra Mi-ran, so obviously the cast and the acting was amazing. The acting wasn’t overdone, the monologues and the thoughts were perfect and the drama was very realistic. So props to that.

The plot, on the other hand, was a bit of a different story. It is a slice of life drama, so there wasn’t a real plot going on. The drama mainly focused on the struggles of different teachers, and while Ko Ha-neul was the main focus, we did get to see the lives of other teachers at different levels too. I did think that the plot was well executed until the last few episodes. Until then, every problem that came up was wrapped up perfectly with a good conclusion. But in the last few episodes, especially 15 and 16, when the entire drama was wrapping up I was left a bit confused.

The thing with this drama was that they didn’t show you every thing. Sometimes they left the stuff as up to interpretation, or they implied it. But the last two episodes were weird. I did feel a bit emotional, but it wasn’t that emotional either. They did tie up the loose ends, but I did feel like there were a lot of things that were left for up to impressions. I wasn’t super happy with the last episode, and I do think that it could have been better. It was a bit confusing for me, but hey, no complaints. The rest of the drama was amazing and I am glad that I could watch it.

The cinematography, direction, production and all that technical stuff was amazing as well. I love the overall warm theme that they went with. It made me feel fuzzy and emotional by the end of it.

So is this drama a must-watch? Well, depends. Don’t go into it expecting a great plot and stuff. But if you want to feel nostalgic about your school days, your teachers and your struggles, then go ahead. It does shed a beautiful light on the struggles of your teachers, and I can assure you that you will start viewing your teachers in a different light.

grit

Grit is a personality trait which was defined as “perseverance and passion for long-term goals” by Angela Duckworth and her colleagues.

Did you know about grit before today? Because I sure did not.

I had a workshop today. I did not know what the workshop was about, why it was there or any of those stuff. The only reason I was there was because I needed the community service hour, and I was free. So I thought, why not?

But the workshop turned out to be much better than I expected. It made me realize a lot of things. And I know I have to change most of them.

If you don’t know what grit means or who Angela Duckworth is, you should look her up on Google. Also, listen to her Ted talk, because once you do, you will be inspired to change yourself.

In the duration of the workshop, I realized that I had a very fixed mindset. I was so fixated on my grades that I didn’t really care about my progress, my growth. I was brought up with this thought of getting the best grades in all the tests that I abandoned everything else. I am lazy, I don’t put in enough effort as compared to others. Even though I can grasp concepts quickly, I am cocky about it.

Now tell me, what is the point of being intelligent if your character is rotten to the core, and your mindset sucks?

So it’s time to change, and hopefully, this time I will be successful.

my nail and i

disclaimer: i do not write any form of poetry, whatsoever. therefore, the following poem is supposed to be a joke about how i can’t grow my nails. i do not intend to offend any individual through it. it might be a bit triggering, so please, if you get triggered don’t read it. 

the relationship between my nail and i,
it is quite pretentious,
perhaps like this poem, which is –
spewing out from an unknown place,
and is not worth the acknowledgement.

my nail hates me, but oh –
i love him, i love him so very much,
its setting and ambiance,
like a lana del rey song –
sad but… well, sed.

every night, he creeps up my arms,
with every intent on harming me,
and i lay there – oblivious,
waking up to all these scratches,
and blood and pain and tears.

my teachers and parents shout,
so i leave him, cut him off,
reluctant, but my happiness at heart,
but he keeps growing on me, again –
and again, and it just starts over again,
an endless cycle of joy and misery.

the game: towards zero [kdrama, initial impression]

Image result for the game: towards zero

Wow, the first two episodes of this drama has me reeled in. I am surprised, wholly surprised. The plot is interesting, the acting is amazing and Ok Taecyeon has me changing my mind about him.

The Game: Towards Zero is a korean drama, currently airing on MBC. Even though only two episodes have aired so far, the rating has been amazing. And I have to say, the drama is pretty good.

It stars Ok Taecyeon as Kim Tae-pyeong, who can see the last few moments of a person’s life before their death when he looks into their eyes. He then partners up with Seo Joon-young, to solve a murder mystery that has links with the detective’s past.

The murder mystery is a bit predictable. If you watch the show, you kind of know who the murderer is. But I do think this was intentional, and that’s what reels me in. The fact that the writer has made it so obvious makes it a bit suspicious. What does the writer have in store for us?

The thing that surprised me the most is Ok Taecyeon’s acting. I have seen Save Me, starring him along with Seo Ye-ji and others. But I dropped it halfway through because I didn’t like his acting – among other reasons. But he has made me take a whooping 180 in this drama. In this drama, I am impressed – at least for now, and I can’t help but admire his amazing visuals.

The plot of this drama is exactly what I love – a concoction of fantasy and mystery. So yes, I will be watching this drama until I change my mind. Hopefully, this will continue to impress me and I will stick with it until the very end.

Fingers crossed.

us [movie, review]

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Now that I am on my winter break, I have lots of free time. And yesterday night I had this crazy idea of watching a horror movie when I was supposed to sleep. So with the lights turned off, the blanket covering my phone and the earphones plugged in, I set out on this great adventure of wrecking my sleep.

Well, at least that’s what I thought it was.

I decided to watch this movie called Us, which is a horror/thriller (according to the website where I was watching it and google) directed by Jordan Peele, starring Lupita Nyong’o, Winston Duke, Shahadi Wright Joseph and Evan Alex. Since movies aren’t about the actors for me, I didn’t know any of them. And I don’t think I have ever watched a movie with any of them either. But that is obviously my bad memory speaking.

The movie documents the various stages of Adelaide’s (Lupita Nyong’o) life which are shown through flashbacks. One such event in her life is from 1986, when she and her parents visit the Santa Cruz beach. Over there she has an encounter with her doppelganger, which leaves her traumatized and awry of the Santa Cruz beach.

In the present day, Addy and her family, which consists of her husband Gabriel (Winston Duke), her teenage daughter Zora (Shahadi Wright Joseph) and her son Jason (Evan Alex), decide to go on a vacation to her mother’s house (I think that’s what it is). It’s beside a lake and in Santa Cruz, and these are the two things that are important to the plot. Anyways, one night they encounter their doppelgangers, which includes Red – the girl that she had met in her childhood, Abraham – Gabe’s mute look-alike, Umbre – Zora’s look-alike and Pluto – Jason’s disfigured doppelganger who has a thing for fire. They doppelgangers obviously over power the family, and Red – the only one who can speak, explains to Addy what they are and what they want before they start hunting them.

The rest of the movie is them fighting and escaping and a major plot-twist at the end which had me choking under my blanket.

If you guys aren’t horror movie fans because they scare you, this movie is for you. I don’t know why it isn’t mentioned, but it should include comedy in its list of genres. Halfway through the movie, I did pause to check if comedy was mentioned as well, but it wasn’t. It is pretty funny towards the middle of the movie and that makes the movie enjoyable. And there aren’t any demons or supernatural things, so I certainly didn’t end up wrecking my sleep and I ended up sleeping like a baby.

So yeah, if you like horror/thrillers, go watch it. The plot twist at the end was completely out of the blue, I wasn’t expecting that. I was really surprised with the plot-twist, because usually, I do end up guessing whatever is going on. But this, this was mind-blowingly unexpected.

I will give this movie a rating of 4.5 out of 5. It is a great movie, and I would definitely recommend you all to watch it.

the divine fury [movie, review]

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The Divine Fury is a korean action-horror movie written and directed by Kim Joo-hwan. It was released on 31st July, 2019 and made $11.1 million in the box office. I did not expect much when I began watching the movie, and in the end, while I wasn’t disappointed, I wasn’t impressed either. I was somewhere in the middle *shrugs*.

The story revolves around Yong-hoo (Park Seo-joon) who was a devout christian once, but loses his faith after the tragic death of his father. He grows up bitter towards God, and is angry almost all the time.

In the present day, he is a champion in martial arts. Weird things begin to happen in his life, especially while he is asleep. Without much of a choice, he ends up seeking help from Priest An (Ahn Sung-ki) in hopes of understanding what is happening to him. But as fate would have it, they end up teaming up to stop the powerful demon wrecking havoc in the city.

The story wasn’t my cup of tea. While I enjoy horror movies, exorcisms – not so much. But the movie was bearable, it was fast paced and didn’t lag anywhere. There were a few things I didn’t understand, I don’t understand why they were there, and I don’t think I ever will either.

Alongside Park Seo-joon and Ahn Sung-ki, it also stars Woo Do-hwan. It’s not a mind-blowing movie, and there’s no romance whatsoever. So if you’re into those kind of movies, then this isn’t for you. Also, the movie has a good cast, the acting is good, a lot of people did like the movie (even though I wasn’t a huge fan of it) and the plot isn’t all that bad. In my opinion, this movie was a ‘watch it once and never again’ kind of movie.

If you have watched the movie, comment down your thoughts.

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